Presidential candidates: Where are they now?
Newsweek magazine used to run a feature, "Where Are They Now?" It was delightfully inane, filled with press-agent plantings, not unlike Parade magazine's irresistible "Personality Parade." Where is Doris Day Now? Newsweek would ask, and answer its own question: She's on her estate outside of Carmel, being nice to animals.
Newsweek always waited a decent interval before resurrecting the boldface names, to provoke the desired reaction: Oh, that's what became of so-and-so. But time happens faster now. Need proof? In 2007, the Sharper Image started its "after-Christmas sale" on Dec. 21.
Even though it was barely six months ago that John Edwards, Mike Huckabee, and the unstoppable candidate of inevitability, Fred Thompson, were household names hogging our television screens, today the erstwhile presidential candidates are virtual nonpersons. Do you remember someone named Tom Tancredo? Where is he now?
Tancredo, whose bold, anti-immigration rhetoric thrilled New Hampshire Republican primary voters - 80 of them, to be precise - has crawled back under his rock. Said rock is in Colorado's sixth Congressional district, which he represents.
What ever happened to Massachusetts-baiting moneybags Mitt Romney? Wasn't he governor once? Where is he now? He is unsubtly angling for a vice-presidential slot on the John McCain ticket, hosting GOP fund-raisers across the land.
Mitt has also been in the housing market, snapping up a $12 million beachfront mansion outside of San Diego. This complements his beachfront mansion in New Hampshire, his summer place in Utah, and the illegally gardened palace in Belmont. The San Diego Union-Tribune thinks Mitt might want to establish Golden State residency, to run for governor when Ahnold leaves office in 2010. The Commonwealth's loss is California's gain.
Look who else is making housing news: Senator Chris Dodd, one of the paired bookends of Astonishingly-Boring-but-Supposedly-Qualified-Northeast-Senators who crapped out in the presidential race. (Nothingburger Senator Joe Biden was the other.) Portfolio magazine reported that Dodd got two below-market loans directly from Angelo Mozilo, the boss of
"As anyone's been through this, you negotiate, you shop around, you negotiate points and other matters, it's really commonplace," is how Dodd explained his action. "So we were, obviously, trying to get the best deal we could, but not a deal based on the job I held."
That's funny, Chris. I have a mortgage from Countrywide, too. But I paid market rates and dealt with Joe Blow, not with CEO Mozilo. I guess I should have "shopped around," as you did.
Former Senator Mike Gravel? Where is he now? He's pushing not one but two books, each with a different co-author, and has thrown himself into the Sept. 11 conspiracy cauldron. As far as I can tell, Gravel's is the only (semi) reputable name associated with the NYC 911 Ballot Initiative, which wants to appoint a new panel to investigate the World Trade Center attacks.
Gravel humbly proposes himself, celebrity activist/investigative authority Ed Asner (where is he now?), and cashiered Rhode Island senator Lincoln Chafee as members of the new commission.
Long-shot campaigns? Quixotic causes? Did someone mention Dennis Kucinich? Where is he now? He's trying to get President Bush impeached. What's the hurry, Dennis? Bush is going to self-impeach in less than six months. "The president has violated our laws and he has to be held accountable," Kucinich said in a phone interview. "There needs to be a historical record established. This is much more significant than who the next president is going to be."
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Who else? Huckabee is heading for Fox News. Bill Richardson is back to governing New Mexico. Bill Clinton is doubtless suffering from Television Camera Withdrawal Syndrome. His wife sent me a nice e-mail this week. "Together, you and I changed America forever," she wrote, alongside a Web-enabled hot button labeled "CONTRIBUTE."
Where is Ron Paul? Who cares? Where is the Ron Paul blimp, that's what I want to know. The blimp, you recall, was the perfect simulacrum of the 21st-century politician: garish, distant, and full of hot air. (OK, helium.)
Owner George Spyrou reports that after Paul's presidential ambitions failed to take off, the Skyship 600 was refitted for use by the US Navy. As you read this, the Fuji-turned-Ron-Paul-turned-Navy blimp is wafting down to the Florida straits to keep watch for drug runners and assorted baddies. That's where it is now.
Alex Beam is a Globe columnist. His e-dress is beam@globe.com.
